The Health Journey, February 11, 2013

Well, hey there! I almost forgot to write a post for today!

The last few days have been a mix of joy and angst for me and some last minute butt covering by some people who shall remain nameless. Needless to say, there's been some stress. Add in a monthly starting (didn't we just do this?) and I find myself bloated and anxious at 11pm on a Sunday. The anxiety will not be going away anytime soon but that's ok, because it's good anxiety. I'm starting a new chapter in my life (I hope) that I have been praying about for a while now. I even got a haircut for the occasion... ok, it was a trim, but still.

I haven't weighed in yet this week (I'll post an update once I do) but my jeans are definitely too big, even directly out of the dryer and still a little bit wet. I'll be doing some shopping for some new ones next weekend and I'm incredibly excited about it.

I have to admit, I haven't done as much yoga as I would have liked. Rather than daily, I'm looking at every other day for last week. I'm going to get that up to at least 4 days this week, possibly 5, depending on where I am with cramping. It was bad today so I didn't push it because I've found that, when I push it, yoga actually makes the cramps worse. Your mileage may vary, of course, but that's what I have found for myself.

I'm excited for this week and I'm hoping I didn't gain too much weight from slacking off.

Oh yeah! This is also my 200th post! Woo!

The Health Journey, January 21, 2013

There's nothing quite like having every intention of working out this week and then being hit with a double whammy of flu and lady problems.

But

The flu wasn't as bad as it could have been and I made it through work without dying. There were times when I wished I didn't but this wasn't a long week and I survived.

The lady problems are a bit more interesting. I'd always heard you shouldn't do certain positions while menstruating and I wanted to find out why. There's some debate (there always is) about what it actually does but most people seemed to agree that it made the period more painful. I tried a couple positions and yep, that did seem to be the case. So, I'm off the yoga for a few days a month but it's still helping me out a lot.

With all this, I'm not terribly hopeful for my weigh in this week. But I'm still going to do it and I'll update this post with the results once I've done it.

Update: I lost 1 pound this week. Ya know, for eating like crap and feeling like crap, I'll take it. Any loss is a win this week.

The Health Journey: Week 10

Week 10! Wooho! I was so excited today when I left my weigh-in!

Let me explain: Last week was a week of nutritional hell. I spent several 12-14 hour days sitting at my computer to work and struggling with a sugar addiction that's much worse than I originally thought as I talked about in this post. I ate a lot of crap and a lot of eggs and bacon.

Going in to weigh myself today, I was hoping that I'd only gained back about 2 pounds so I wouldn't be over the 300 pound mark again.

Was I in for a surprise!

The only thing I can think is that I kept a calorie deficit every day and I was eating the "right" kinds of fats. One of my favorite movies these days is a documentary called Fat Head. You can watch it on Netflix or Hulu if you're interested in learning a lot about health and the giant experiment we're all taking part in.

I'm very happy with what I did last week and I am looking forward to this week. I'll actually have time to do stuff!

Also, I went shopping yesterday and got 2 new pairs of shoes on clearance. 90% off for one pair. I'm a very happy camper these days.

This weeks numbers:
Starting Weight: 316.8 lbs
This weeks weight: 296 lbs
Weight lost this week: 2 lbs
Total weight lost: 20.8 lbs

I've averaged 2 pounds a week for a while, even with a few set backs. My goal for the next few weeks is to ramp up the weight loss and to start doing some more cardio. I'm thinking I want to join a Tae Kwan Do class or possibly kick boxing but I don't know if we can fit it in the budget. If all else fails, I'll be walking every day. I'm also going to be working on toning my legs and butt so I can wear the new shoes for longer than an hour at a time because they're gorgeous!

The Health Journey: Week 9

Another update? Already? Sheesh, where does the time go.

To start, I pretty much expected this last week to kind of suck. I was bloated and gross for at least a portion of it and I'm kicking major ass on a deadline that's basically kept me chained to my computer. When said computer decides it wants to Blue Screen of Death for NO FRAKKING REASON!!!! *pant pant pant* and I end up spending the last week before the deadline trying to get to the file that I'm editing and bring the brand new freaking computer back to life, I can honestly say that I didn't pay much attention to what I was eating.

That's the bad news. I'll add to it that one of the habits I'm finding it very difficult to break is having something in my mouth as I work. In the past, that was a cigarette or a handful of M&M's. There was leftover Easter candy around this weekend. The last few days, it's been my headphone cord, to the point where I might be wearing through at certain parts. I may be taking a trip to the grocery store to pick up some gum soon if I can't stop it.

I'm gonna have to break a habit I didn't even really know I had and I'm gonna have to do it a week late for a deadline. If I was any less dedicated to this health journey, I'd call it off for a few days and just eat the freaking chocolate. As it was, I got much less exercise than I had planned, though I did get some, and I ate a lot more sugar than I should have. I've got until Thursday to get the book I'm working on back to the publisher, let's see if I can make it and stick to my food plan.

This weeks numbers:

Starting weight: 316.8 lbs
This weeks weight: 298 lbs
Weight lost this week: 0 lbs

That's right. I didn't lose anything. I also didn't gain anything. Since I've lost about 18 lbs so far, I'm pretty happy with the results. I've got a lot more to go so a couple of slip ups aren't going to put me all the way back at the beginning. I'm in it for the long haul and I'm working very hard to take the long view of things.

The Health Journey: Week 5

Ah, week 5, you are so not my friend! If I was going to give myself a week off or a week of "fudging" it, it would have been this last week. I spent most of it bloated and icky feeling and craving chocolate. A craving I indulged way too much . . . and it showed.

D'oh!

I could blame the people around me for giving me the chocolate but the honest truth is that it's my fault. I know better and I'm a grown adult who can make her own decisions. And I tried to make it harder to get to. Instead of being on the table, I put it in a cookie jar next to the refrigerator. That actually sort of worked because there's some left lol.

The chocolate wasn't the only cause, either. I spent most of 3 days curled up with a heating pad and did nothing physical if I could help it. While that allowed me to make some pretty big strides in my editing job, it did not help with the weight loss goal I'm working towards.

So, this week, I'm sticking to my shakes for breakfast and lunch and I'm watching my calories for dinner. I don't really count calories, I couldn't tell you exactly how many calories I ate today, but I have a calorie range that I'm shooting for and I'm going to try and stay near the bottom of it this week to see if I can't make up for the monthly curse.

So, the numbers:

Starting weight:   316.8 pounds
Week 5 weight:  303 pounds

total weight lost: 13.8 pounds (yes, I did in fact gain 2 pounds this week)

pant size: 24

The Health Journey: Week 4

My last update was Week 3 and that was 2 weeks ago so why is this Week 4? I gave myself a week off. I spent a week throwing up and unable to walk and couldn't make it to the kitchen much less to the scale. I pretty much didn't eat for a week. The next week, I couldn't tell if I was nauseous or starving and I ended up eating more than I felt like I should.

There was pizza, chinese food, pasta, anything that could be considered a comfort food I chowed down. Looking back, I didn't eat much of any  of it but I really felt like a pig there for a while.

I was so scared I undid all the work I'd done that I didn't want to go do my weigh in this week.

Ready for this weeks numbers?


Starting weight: 316.8 lbs
Week 4 weight: 301 lbs

Total weight lost: 15.8 lbs

Pant size: 24

No measurements yet but we're getting closer!

The Health Journey, Week 3

I have been incredibly ill for the last 3 days, which is to explain why this post is going up on Wednesday instead of Monday. As it is, I'm almost too exhausted to write it so I'm just going to post the numbers.

Starting weight: 316.8 lbs
Week 3 weight: 306 lbs

Total weight lost: 10.8 lbs

Pant size: 24

Nope, didn't get measurements done this week. Hopefully I'll be able to put up a longer post for week 4.

The Health Journey, Week 2

This week was definitely one with ups and downs. I had to have scans and tests done that were unpleasant at best and awful at the worst. I still have a bruise on my arm from the IV they gave me for a CT scan. My brother got the results back from a test he'd done the week before and they came back positive for thyroid cancer. He also proposed to his girlfriend (he'd been planning that for a while, apparently).

One of the things I learned this week is that I have a much stronger connection between food and my emotions than I thought. Most specifically, bad news and emotional stress have me reaching for the chocolate. More than once I found myself looking in the freezer for a pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food that I knew wasn't there. I didn't let myself go buy any, either, but that took a toll on my will power later in the week. By Saturday, my will power was shot and I fell off the wagon. I ate fatty, greasy foods and almost half of a sugar free pie and I hated myself for it.

So, I'm learning. This week I have resolved to learn a couple new things, the first being that I don't have to be strong all the time. Apparently, I went through passing a kidney stone without pain killers. There were days when I wanted to scream and cry because I hurt so bad but I sucked it up and soldiered on because, well, that's what women do. The second thing I'm going to learn this week is to do something when the stress hits. No, I'm not going to grab the Ben and Jerry's, but I might go for a walk, or roll out the yoga mat and just zen out.

I did try a couple of new, delicious and healthy recipes this week and I've been asked to share them. So, I will be making them again this week and posting them, complete with pictures.

Here are this weeks numbers:


Starting weight: 316.8 lbs
Week 2 weight: 309.8 lbs

Total weight lost: 6.6 lbs

current pant size 26

Yep, still not sharing measurements but will once they're lower.

Rebellion!

I am not on a diet. I repeat, I am not on a diet. I don't believe in dieting. I am currently affecting a temporary lifestyle change. No, they're not the same thing. Let me explain.

I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who I will refer to here as Panda. She's happy, talkative, cuddly and lactose intolerant. Anybody who is lactose intolerant can tell you how uncomfortable ingesting dairy can be. With a baby who can't express what hurts much more than to cry, it's enough to break a mother's heart.

I've been told that many moms at this point just stop breastfeeding and put the baby on a soy formula. Of course, I'm not most moms and I rarely do things the easy way.

I've cut dairy out of my diet as much as I could. Some things are made with milk as the wet ingredient but they contain so little that it doesn't affect her. We've learned quickly how to discover what the problem food. Even when I really, really want it to be something else, as will be explained later on.

Due to a thyroid problem, I'm not supposed to eat much soy so finding substitutes for certain things has been difficult though surprisingly fun. Rice milk is really good on cereal. Chocolate almond milk is really good to drink straight. I put almonds on salads instead of cheese.

But, for the most part, I've done without. For some things, it was a fight. Especially the chocolate.

For a very long time, I refused to believe that milk chocolate was causing a problem. However, not eating any for 2 days gave conclusive proof that milk chocolate was causing my daughter to be uncomfortable.

I fought it. I ate more just because I wasn't supposed to. I'd given up milk. I'd given up cheese. Please, don't ask me to give up chocolate. Reluctantly, I got rid of all the chocolate candy in the house. I stopped making chocolate chip cookies. When I went grocery shopping, I cried over the hostess cupcakes and the donuts.

Since giving up everything I have, I still have rebellious impulses. I have to change the channel when a pizza commercial comes on. When my family is eating enchiladas, my turkey wrap just doesn't look appetizing. Yes, I do have rebellious impulses. But, it's not for me. It's for my daughter.

And it's only temporary.

Right?

Do You Actually Enjoy What You Eat?

As I write this, I have what is quickly becoming one of my favorite television shows playing; Good Eats, where Alton Brown plays with the chemistry set he calls a kitchen. With my non-diet, new, temporary food restrictions and my favorite holiday coming up, food is definitely weighing on my mind. For much of America, it also weighs on our waistlines and for creative people, it can weigh on our drive to create.

(shirts swiped from Jeph Jacques at Questionable Content)

I can't remember where I heard the advice I used to stop over eating. It was originally in reference to somebody quitting smoking. The advice was to make a ritual of it, to really enjoy smoking; make a point of noticing the fire from the lighter, the taste of the smoke, the way it fills your lungs. By taking the time to enjoy smoking, you start to need less of a cigarette to get your fix.

The same advice works for food. Take your time to enjoy it. Eat something that you really like and take the time to really taste it. It's hard to do at first. So much of what we eat is designed to be eaten quickly and we eat it so fast, we don't realize we're full. Also, taking the time to enjoy your food means you may realize that you don't really like something that you've been eating every day for years.

I started taking my time over food more than a year ago. With a recent pregnancy, I came to discover that if I didn't eat slowly, I wouldn't keep it down at all. Once I started actually tasting what I ate, I started to realize that I really, really didn't like much of what I'd eaten every day for several years. For instance, I really detest most types of french fries. I also really hate instant oatmeal. In fact, I stopped liking so many foods that I had to discover new things to eat. A mostly dairy free diet these days has also sent me searching for alternatives.

Not surprisingly, I've discovered that fresh foods taste better. Removing Ranch dressing and cheese from my sauce options, I've become much more open to fruits, vegetables and vinaigrettes. I've found myself opting for a salad instead of a cheeseburger and not regretting it. Good pasta and good sauces have to be able to stand on their own and not be masked by cheese. I'll admit, I've found myself becoming something of a food snob. But that's ok, I'm slowly becoming a slender food snob.

An Introduction

In trying to describe what this blog is, I kept coming up with what it is not. This is not a mommy blog. This is not a political blog. It's certainly not a food blog or a dieting blog. It's not really a writing blog, either. This is a blog about me and my creative journey. Because I care deeply about many of the subjects that are covered in all the blogs that this blog is not, I will be writing about them.

A person's creative journey is highly personal so I will not be sharing everything that I go through. Overcoming or even realizing my overwhelming hatred and fear of gazpacho soup isn't something that anybody else really needs to know about. Or maybe they do. I'm not above answering questions if you really, truly want to know why gazpacho soup was the last word I said before I died.

Oh yes, did I mention I love science fiction? And fantasy. And humor.

I don't intend for this blog to be a public diary, though there may be elements of such. I am currently reading and working through a book called The Writing Diet by Julia Cameron and most of my writing, at least at first, will be directed by some of the suggestions and exercises in that book.

I have no intention to humiliate or embarrass with this blog so any information about people who are not me will be shared only with their permission, and that includes my family. Unless I am asked to do so by the person themselves, I will never share anybody's actual name. All friends and family will be referred to by an alias, and one I hope they find complimentary.

Like life, every day on the blog will bring something different. It may be a good recipe and the story surrounding it. It may be a series of pictures I took on an outing in the mountains or the city. It could be a rant about politics, though I'll try and keep those short, sweet and to the point. It may be a meditation on a religious icon or practice that I find fascinating.

In sharing my creative journey, my hope is that I will inspire and motivate. Happy reading!