Monday, December 24, 2012

It's Ok to Not Be Ok

There are days when I really struggle; trying to do what I've been wanting to do since I was 7 and being convinced I'm doing it wrong. I'm not. I know that. But sometimes, sometimes...

I struggle.

I decided that I didn't want to put anything out that wasn't positive or uplifting in some way. Then I let life get to me and I didn't put any thing out at all for months. If I couldn't say something nice, I wouldn't say anything at all.

But I realized something the last few days and weeks; life isn't nice and this blog was supposed to be about my creative journey. My life had been a while pile of not nice lately and I know it's affecting my writing.

It affects my sleep, too, which is why I find myself blogging from my smart phone at 2am Christmas Eve.

I don't know that I could tell you why I'm not ok right now, except to say there's been another death in the family and I'm worried about how my son is handling it. I want him to cry so I can comfort him and I feel so selfish for wanting that. I want it to be ok for me to cry but she and I rarely got along and I don't do the wailing that seems to be so in vogue around here.

I'm not ok right now but I will be soon and I want that to be ok.

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